Dear Kelsey,

Right now you’re in a little bit of a rut. You’re doing the same things, watching the same shows, listening to the same songs, etc. It’s time to change it up. It’s time to get out there. You just moved back in with your parents, and while it sounds discouraging on the surface, this is a big opportunity to do some of the things you’ve wanted to do but haven’t had the time (or the money).

You’ve been giving a lot of yourself to others lately and I urge you to stop that this year. Say no when you want to say no. Be unapologetically who you want to be and not who others expect you to be. Take leaps of faith and do something you wouldn’t normally. Say what you want to say when you want to say it, and take a back seat to no body.

The past 4 years have held a lot of hurt and you have been holding on to it (even though you well people you’re over it). You’ve lost pets, friends, and family members. You’ve lied and been lied to. In the midst of everything, remember to be kind to everyone. Everyone fights a battle, keep this in mind. It’s time to let go of the past and FORGET IT.

Keep in mind that the only direction to go is forward. Do something spontaneous. Make a new friend or reconnect with an old one. Take these next few months before Matthew goes to college and build your relationship because lord knows he’s going to go off to college and probably never look back.

Turn this seemingly bad change into an undeniably awesome one.  Take the guards and the cages off your heart and open yourself up to new possibilities, new adventures, new friendships, new loves.


a very optimistic version of yourself


Day 1. Clean Slate.

Every year, millions of people make and break their New Year’s resolutions, myself included. However that will not stop me from making one this year. We’ll just have to see how long I hang in there and keep it up.

That being said, my resolutions are:

  • read and write more
  • get serious about my future
  • do something big and memorable

With all this in mind, here’s to 2018 and my first post of the new year!

Day 1: The biggest lesson I learned last year was…..

The biggest lesson I learned last year was that I am my own hero. I learned that I cannot count on anyone except myself to come to the rescue. It became very clear to me that when it comes to friends, you can really never be too sure. I have the few friends I’ve always had who have stayed by my side, but there were some who fled at the first sign of trouble.

I had friends turn their back on me for other people, for boys, for authority, and for no reason at all. Friends I always supported; the people I thought would have my back forever simply did not. This year, I will focus on the people who have always been there and cut out those who have left me alone. This is the year for taking care of myself and making sure get what need.

With all this being said, 2017 was not a total loss. While I was losing friends, I became friends with myself. I let my guard down and I stopped caring about doing things alone. I found myself being comfortable with going to eat alone or getting coffee by myself. I took walks and even saw movies with no one accompanying me. It was nice to learn that although losing my friends sucked, I can be my own best friend and pick myself up when I fall down. I learned to love myself a little more last year, despite my faults.

Last year I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just constantly treading water. I couldn’t get my feet under me and it was exhausting.  I’m looking forward to seeing what the next few months have in store.

Here’s to genuine friends, here’s to an exciting future, and here’s to 2018!

Captain Jack Sparrow: World’s Luckiest Man

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Johnny Depp and I love Disney. So obviously I love Pirates of the Caribbean (Curse of the Black Pearl will always be my favorite don’t fight me on this one). I started thinking today about Jack Sparrow and the things he’s known for. He’s the “best” pirate in the world, he strapped two turtles together when he was marooned on a island, he loves rum, and he carries the iconic compass that doesn’t point north. Then I got to thinking how much I would love to get my hands on that compass. 

The compass doesn’t point north. Instead, it points to the one thing your heart desires most. Now, in the movies the holder of the compass knows what their heart desires and they will stop at nothing to get to it, including but not limited to sword fights, the undead, or a man with tentacles on his face. Whether it be the Black Pearl or Elizabeth Swan or a long lost relative (*~spoiler~*), the compass never fails. But what happens when someone holds the compass who doesn’t live inside a Disney movie? What happens when I hold the compass? Imagine holding something in your hand that can tell you exactly what your heart wants.

I spent the last 4 years as an elementary education major and the plan was the graduate and teach first grade. Now, I have changed courses completely and I have a new major and absolutely no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. I don’t know what I want to do. I’m beginning to question who my friends are and who my friends are not. I’m on the back side of my 22nd year and I just feel like I’m about to fall off the edge of some cliff and be lost forever. If only I knew what/where/who it is my heart desires most… I think I need to get my hands on the handy dandy compass down in the Caribbean. 

Someone call Walt Disney and tell him to send me that compass. But in the mean time, drink up me hearties, yo ho. 


lessons in love

One upon a time there was a little girl who loved her parents. She would do anything to keep them happy, especially her daddy. He was her hero. She would clean her room, eat her vegetables, and stay away from boys which kept the little girl’s daddy very happy. One day, something changed and that little girl wasn’t a little girl anymore. When she was 16 she kissed a boy and when she was 19 she slept with one. The once good little girl had changed into someone she could hardly recognize…. someone I could hardly recognize. Yes. The little girl once upon a time was me and once upon a time wasn’t so long ago.
Up until I was about 15 or 16 I never really had an interest in boys. Sure I crushed on boys like every high school freshman, but nothing ever happened. Probably because I hadn’t discovered the art of eyeliner or mascara. One day a boy told me he liked me and the rest is history. We dated, fought, kissed and made up, broke up and repeated until he had worn me down so much I felt like I wasn’t even myself any more. I lied to my friends and family about him because I thought he was different. It ultimately came back to bite me in the ass when I found out he’d been seeing someone else besides me. Isn’t that always the way? After that, I told myself that I was unlovable and that I would never love. At the time I thought I was just being dramatic; I didn’t know it then, but that was the exact moment that I turned into who I never wanted to be. When I was 18, I dated my best friend and when I was 19 I told him I wanted to have sex with him. He loved me and I knew that but I refused to love him back. I used him and I will never forgive myself for breaking his heart because looking back on that summer, I did love him. And he’s the only boy I’ve ever really loved. I was just too scared and hard-hearted to admit it to him or myself. We spent the summer together and I was happy, but when it was time to go back to school, I told him I couldn’t stay with him because the distance was too much to handle. I was more upset about losing him than I cared to admit at the time.
We went our separate ways and when I went back to school, I let boys in that didn’t deserve me because I felt so empty. At the time I thought I was just having fun, but it turned into more than just fun. I met a guy through a friend at a bonfire one night and had I known then what I know now, I would have stayed far far away. We talked, flirted, and eventually he got my number. I heard from him a few days later. We chatted via text for a few days until he invited me to a party one night. I called a friend to go with me and we headed to this “party.” This party consisted of him, his friend, and his friend’s cat in a dirty apartment with mixed drinks and netflix. If I hadn’t been so into this guy, my instincts would have told me to run away and never look back but I thought he was the answer to my emptiness. I thought he was the kind of guy I was needed. Little did I know he was just a good actor and an even better charmer. After a couple drinks (he was mixing) I forgot where I was and all my inhibitions went down with the rum and coke. Next thing I knew, I was in a bed with this boy I barely knew and I went ahead and convinced myself that this was what I had to do to get a boy to like me in college. The next year and a half was almost completely centered around this boy and his tricks. Long story short, we were casually hooking up until he started dating someone I was somewhat close to and that’s when I learned what kind of guy he really was. When they got together he chilled with the flirting, but they fought a lot. And when they fought, he texted me. He’d ask me to come over after she left and make comments about how he wished he didn’t have a girlfriend. Then one day I was drunk and gave him a ride home from a football game. Only I didn’t take him home. I took him to my apartment and cooked lunch for him. He made a move on me and I turned him down. When she found out he was there, she refused to believe nothing happened. And for good reason. A couple months went by and he kept his distance. When my 21st birthday rolled around, he came and stayed with me and my friends in the hotel room. After a night of drinking, shots, and yelling ITS MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES, I found myself right back where he and I started. In a bed together. Only this time he was dating someone and I realized the next morning that not only was he the worst kind of guy, but I was the worst kind of girl. Not only did he have a girlfriend, but I knew her. We were (kind of) friends. I have never hated myself more than I did that day. And I’ve never hated someone else more than I still hate him for asking me to keep his little secret from her and everyone else.

I kept that secret for almost a year. Since then, I have slept 6 boys. 0/6 of them have cared a bit about me and 0/6 of them have reached out to me in the recent past. It hit me recently that I may not be as pure and clean as I was when I was 17, but I sure as hell deserve better than what I’ve been given. The day I decided I wasn’t worth loving was the day I unknowingly decided that I wasn’t worth even trying. And I’ve since learned that I thought I wasn’t worth loving because I had never truly learned to love myself. I challenge everyone out there to give some type of love a chance. Take it from me. A loveless existence is a lonely one.


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